This thing called 'Affection'

Middle Sister Confession #2
I suck at this thing called affection.
Growing up I use to watch Full House and pretend Bob Saget was my dad or that the Brady Bunch was my family. Affection always looked easy and alot of fun. I loved how at the end of the show the family hugs it out and you just get this warm and fuzzy feeling that you are loved. Sigh….
And then I remember we are not the Brady Bunch. Not even close.
My family and I don't 'hug it out' like the Brady Bunch. Nor do we sit and talk about our feelings.
I didn't realize that that could be an issue or it was 'strange' until I started having my own relationships with people who are a butterball of affection with a hug for everything and continuous affirmations of I love you’s, I miss you’s, and I feel’s about a dozen times a day...goodness gracious. Is that what I've been missing out on?? It’s exhausting for someone like me who's never had to do it.
Growing up my sisters and I just knew we were loved despite our lack of affirmations being declared everyday at every hour from our mother. But it is interesting to realize that now as adults I might be the only one of the three of us who is affection handicapped from this lack of growing up.
Watching BS with her husband and family she seems unaffected by our upbringing. Words of affection like babe, honey and I Love You’s pour out of her like a hot cup of coffee, like she’s heard it all her life...it makes me wonder, has she?? Did I really get jipped? ( My mother does play favorites with the three of us…)
And as for LS, although she is still young I can already see that she has no problems with affections. According to FB she is very comfortable being touchy feely and even giving her girl-friends smooches on the cheek. Not this Middle Sister. Nuh Uhh.
But I wish I was a butter ball of affection. I wish I could blurt out words like Babe, honey and I Love You’s to my special Beings too and give smooches on the cheeck to my girl-friends too..maybe. But I am affectionately constipated. It’s there inside me. I feel it. I want to say it. I want to hug it out but I cant. It comes out awkward. Or just never comes out at all. If only there was a laxative I can take for my affections to come out more smoothly. I sometimes worry that the people I love and care about will never know how much I really do because I am so affectionate handicap. I can cut you paper hearts and make pretty things that says I love you and I can write it in a card but I cant say it. So until they create some sort of affection laxative I am going to write it in a letter.

Love,
Middle Sister

We say Potato, Mom says...????

I've been spending more "quality" time with my mom. I shifted from working in Corporate America to working for a small business owner who answers to the title "Mom."
I've been hired and fired from this establishment more times than I can count on my fingers and toes but now I've grown to enjoy it. It's a relief and a break from the stuffiness of the corporate world and a bit comical too. So I am proud to say Cafe Espresso is now my current place of employment. Apparently I got hired without a resume because I was so impressively charming :)
This year Boss Mom brought in a new menu to Cafe Espresso offering more sandwiches and drinks. I have to say they are all truly delicious. The customers are excited and so is she. For Boss Mom making great sandwiches is easy and reputable but pronouncing it is another story.
When Boss Mom is around our Citrus Sizzle Smoothie will be chopped up to,
"Ssisle-sissle".
Unabashfully Boss Mom would yell:
"Order Number 23...SSISSLE-SSISSLE!"
A confused girl will show up with the number and my mother will ask,
"Yes what you order?"
"A CITRUS CIZZLE Smoothie..."
With a big smile Boss Mom proudly presents her smoothie replying,
"Yes- here, SISSLE-SISSLE. OK thank you."
Pico de Gallo has been referred to as,"CINCO DE MAYO"
Our delicious Carmel Machiato has been yelled out as,
"CARMEL MACCA-CATTO"
And always trying to go that extra step for her customers to guarantee satisfaction Boss Mom encouraged a customer who always orders her special Chinese Chicken Salad to don't be afraid and ask for more GARBAGE if he would like on his salad.
The look on his face is priceless.
I turned to him and whispered-"She means CABBAGE"
Boss Mom is very keen on giving great customer service but sometimes it is not always understood. But my mom has come a long way from where she began having arrive here via airplane in 1980 from Cambodia escaping the horrific Khmer Rouge. Finding herself a single mom with not much to get by with in a foreign country she did what she could, really taking what we Americans call the "Land of Opportunity" for all its got. She learned most of her English on the streets of Long Beach through conversations with people and reading menus.
In retrospect, its amazing how she doesn't speak in Slang because the streets of Long Beach isn't the most proper place for practicing English. But due to her relentless ambition to succeed here regardless what form of English she is speaking she has been able to run her own business and be her own boss. And now she is my boss...for the time being.

The Rules

In the circle of friendship between females there are RULES. Its the golden rule, the Unspoken Rule: we don't date each others' exes or any bad boy that did one of us wrong. Its considered tainted. Leftovers. Most girls understand that. Its something that need not be spoken. Once a relationship is over we all move forward and on to the next as a pack. We are loyal to one another. One of my favorite quotes that I take to heart and like to relate to all my friendships and relationships is, "never above you, never below you, always beside you"..... not maybe lingering behind you to see if maybe he's a better fit for yourself!
I had a girl-friend whom I thought knew and understood the rules. But it turns out she never got that memo. It really worries me. This friend, lets just call her Michelle just for the namesake of this story is shady like a FAKE pair of Gucci. Thank you to Facebook I discovered her lingering behind when I clicked on to see her "Labor Day weekend" photos where she was suppose to be "out of town" but somehow ended up in a familiar backyard...
Shady like a fake pair of Gucci and a Fake pair of Gucci she will only get.
And Boys will never understand this. Why I am even bothered. They think it must be more about the boy than this friend of mine to be so upset. How I still must care for this NOT so stellar guy. How I must still want him. Wrong. Very Wrong.
In contrast, I called Big Sis when I discovered this fake Gucci and she understood right away. So did my other girl-friends. A betrayal of friendship is more hurtful than a betrayal of a not so stellar guy. Plenty of fishes in the sea. But girlfriends and sisters are priceless.
Without a second thought this friendship ended and I was angry for a bit but its okay. I live my life with integrity. I realized that I can't be mad at those who choose not to do the same or have never learned how to. I can only count my own blessings and I am quite blessed because this Middle Sister has the Real Gucci's Shades...
What a coincidence :)

Prayer Etiquette?

I always wondered if it was bad to pray lying down.

I've heard stories about the power of a simple prayer. But I wonder, of the prayers that were answered, were these people laying in bed when they prayed? Because that's what I do and I don't know if my prayers are heard because this truly hasn't been a year to brag about.
My most heartfelt prayers are usually when I am lying in bed...sounds almost wrong but no, this is rated G for everyone. I hide in my bed when I'm not having a great day so that's when and where I find myself feeling the need to throw out a little prayer. But I always felt a bit guilty for not getting out of bed and doing it the "right" way or universal way which is on down on your knees. The humble way. But I am humble. I am beyond humble that I am past my knees and on my back (totally Rated G).
I know I am blessed in numerous ways but I just wonder if because I pray on my back rather than on my knees does that mean my prayers are pushed to the bottom of the pile? Or filed away under the "reply later" folder? Geez Lou-weez. These are very important questions and I wish there was a book on it so at least I know I am not offending anyone up there. But I guess all I can do is eat, drink and be merry despite it all. As long as George Micheals is in the background singing his song "Faith" to me I guess I will just keep on dancing and praying even if it sometimes feel like I'm shooting blanks. Like fishing, if I fish long enough I might eventually catch the right "fish" so if I keep praying maybe something will come through...

A piece of Cake.

Graceful might not be the best word to describe this Middle Sister. At least not when it comes to me on a bike. I can't even remember the last time I had ridden a bike. It might have been way back in the late 1980's when I just got my training wheels off and rode in circles everyday in my enclosed backyard. I have never ridden my bike beyond those enclosed gates. And now 27 years old- an adult, I cannot gracefully ride a bike in public. I am so freaked out by all the cars and people around me that there is no such thing as a stroll around the block for me. My hands are tight on the handle bar, my eyes are forward and focused. Do Not run people over and Do Not get run over. That is the ultimate goal for this 20 minute bike ride.
I am trying to be more active. More "outdoorsy." But who are we kidding? The last time I rode a bike was in the 1980's. My definition of outdoor fun is going shopping at the local farmers market or outdoor flea market and a long walk on the beach...
But I am trying to expand my horizons. Push myself to do something "edgier" plus I want to impress my new guy. I have always lived more on the cautious, timid side. Played it safe. And now I have this urge to take life by the horns! Or at least outdoors...but unfortunately the first bike ride in over 10 years with Middle Sisters new boy wasn't as graceful or pretty as I had pictured it in my head. There were a few close calls and we were only going to the grocery store to pick up some garlic for dinner. I'm not sure if he'll want to take me out in public again and I don't blame him. I wouldn't take myself out again.
Middle Sister + bike + public streets = not a good idea.
I think I should go back to my walks for the sake of my relationship and everyone else's safety. I'm gonna stick to what I do best- eating, walking, drinking wine and being a Middle Sister.

Middle Sister Confession:

I steal magazines from the doctors office and I am NOT ashamed.

I like to believe I am an honest person with great integrity. I live with high considerations as to "What Would Buddha Do?" -except for when I am at the doctors office. But I only started stealing magazines a few weeks back when LS had to go to the ER. The waiting room is a dreadful place to be and we've been to numerous doctors offices since the ER visit and paid hundreds of dollars just to see the doc. for 10 minutes. Time is money and our money was spent waiting for a doctor that was over an hour late with a very unfriendly receptionist and to top it off our fees are not even going to cover the cost of the pending surgery. So I took it upon myself to help myself to a magazine or two if its a good issue. Its the least I can do to justify the time wasted in the waiting room. Sure, I'll bring the magazine back if I remember to because I'm sure that's what Buddha would do...
But I am not the only one in the family who does this. BS is even worse. I'd say she's borderline clepto when it comes to "missing" Magazines. At least I take my time and browse the magazine and then maybe nonchalantly slip it in my large handbag that I happen to be wearing that day. With BS, she comes in and before you even blink she has done a swipe of all your magazines that she sees fit. And this isn't just limited to doctors offices either. She smoothly does this at nail salons, hair salons, my car, my purse and my house. I decided I am going to hide my magazines in my underwear drawer. She wouldn't dare go there. Little Sis on the other hand is not into magazine swiping like her older Sisters but likes to suspiciously "borrow" my clothes and strangely stores it up on the highest shelf and deep in the back...which in my opinion is an odd thing to do if she is planning on wearing it and returning it.

Jinxed?

Its been said that trying on someone's engagement ring is bad luck if you are a single women. Every girl knows of this Old Wives tale but its one superstition that no girl wants to test whether or not they believe in marriage or the superstition itself because if not marriage they at least want a chance at love. We all strive for that love that lasts forever. And as you get older how you define love and what you expect out of it changes. I remember sitting with the girls on the playground singing..."First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes (Middle Sister) with a baby carriage..." But that isn't going to happen to this Middle Sister thanks to Big Sis.
I wouldn't necessarily say I am a superstitious person in the sense that I make all my decisions based upon crazy Old Wives Tales but I will say that some of my paranoia is from these superstitions and my monk. And now 5 years later I just remembered how much against my protest Big Sis made me try on her ring. She literally pinned me down and put that darn beautiful ring on my unwed virgin finger to "see what it looks like on" me. So now reflecting back it all makes sense. All the bad dates and heartbreaks was because of Big Sis. Because she made me try on her engagement ring. Middle sister has a bad Big Sister!
Well, to be fair (partially because she reads this) I guess it's still too soon to say its all her fault. I still have time. And I did meet a very sweet guy whose is still climbing that wall but I guess only time will tell if this Old Wives tale is true...but how long shall I wait to point the finger?
Needless to say I definitely believe in marriage. I believe in that piece of paper and sealing the deal with a diamond. Screw Woman's Independence! Screw New Age philosophy on love. Give me the ring. Open my door. Buy me flowers. Thank you. What women do for their husbands or the man they love are priceless. Amen my Sisters, Amen. As jaded as some people think I am I still believe in love and still have hope even if my monks says otherwise and even if my Big Sis may have Jinxed me. Its just too bad I can't buy it with my credit card. It would be soo much easier and less time consuming. But don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining yet. I love that as Big Sis stays home and organizes her play dates, I am at my house getting ready for my hot dates :) I'd say that's a mighty great trade off.